A rather boring night
by Hellsleprechaun
Summary: Kol is having a rather boring night, so he ends up doing something stupid to amuse himself and in the process manages to push almost all of his older brothers' buttons. Warning: contains SPANKING, don't like? Please don't read.


**Warning: This fic contains SPANKING, if you do not like this then please don't read this. If you read this warning, knowing that this will offend you, and decide to read anyway that is 0% my fault and 100% your fault.**

**I wrote this before watching 3x18 so I didn't at the time know what happened to Finn.**

**I do not own the vampire diaries, it belongs to L.J Smith and the CW.**

Stefan Salvatore was furious, he glared at the older vampires in the room with hard eyes. "He tried to kill my brother." He stated, gesturing at Kol, his tone level, but his eyes burning. "You promised that if we left you alone and agreed to live in peace with you, then none of us would be in danger." The vampire was clearly struggling to keep his temper under control.

Klaus scrunched his mouth up slightly in irritation at the ripper, why had he ever been friends with this guy again? "Calm down, Stefan, it wasn't such a big deal, Damon's still breathing isn't he?" He dismissed the younger Salvatore, casually as though Damon's near death was no more serious that a near missed deadline.

"That's not really the point, Klaus."

"Then what is? What do you want from us?" He asked trivially.

Stefan's laugh was devoid of humour, "what would you do if it were the other way around and Damon tried to kill Kol?" He inquired knowingly.

Klaus sighed in annoyance, Stefan was fully aware of what he would do, it would involve Damon's intestines and a tree with a branch sturdy enough to hold his weight.

When Klaus looked ready to snap back an instigating reply, Elijah stepped in, calm as ever. "We assure you, Stefan, this will not happen again. Kol was simply acting foolishly tonight, there will not be a repeat of such behaviour from him." He placated the young vampire, while staring pointedly at his brother.

"Fine, but if this happens again then-"

"Then what?" Kol spoke up, standing up and glowering down at the Salvatore with mocking amusement. "I thought we were living on a policy of MAD- mutually assured destruction." He added condescendingly. "You can kill one of us, but if you do we'll destroy you."

"Kol, sit down." Klaus hissed, any patience he ever had with his younger brother was rapidly wearing away. If Kol did not stop talking soon, then Klaus would be the one murdering him.

"Sorry, Dad." He muttered sarcastically, Klaus tensed, almost overcome by the powerful urge to throttle him.

Elijah laid a restraining hand on his shoulder and looked at him pointedly for a few seconds.

He restrained himself enough not to throw his pain in the arse brother through a wall. He managed to give Stefan a mangled smile, an attempt at his usual cocky one.

Stefan nodded once and hastily made a retreat, both out of a desire to check on his own brother and as he had a feeling he did not want to be around when the Mikaelson brothers began fighting.

As soon as the door closed behind the ripper, Elijah glared at Kol, "what were you thinking, Kol? Making an attempt on Damon's life, just days after we all agreed to live in peace? Are you trying to get yourself, and the rest of us killed?" He demanded, if Nik and Kol had not known him so well they would not have been able to detect his fury.

The young man laughed, "no, I'm not Finn, or should I call him suicidy? I have no intention of ending this life, I'm enjoying it far too much!"

That was low and all present knew it. After the bind between them had been broken, Finn had taken one of the white oak ash stakes and plunged it into his chest, before any of them could stop him, before any of them could decide whether or not they actually wanted to, even.

"Not funny, Kol."

He rolled his eyes, "fine, no, I'm not trying to kill myself, and no, before you all get too concerned _with yourselves_, I'm not trying to kill any of you either." He spoke sullenly.

"Don't try and turn this around on us." Klaus' tone was accusatory, and it acted as an irritant to Kol's declining mood.

"Oh shut up Nik, don't start your responsible big brother act. You're not fooling anybody, we all know you're only marginally less insane as I am."

"You are not afflicted with any kind of psychological issues, Kol, you're just a spoiled little boy." Elijah told him. "So, come on, enlighten, Niklaus and I as to your excellent reasoning behind your attack tonight." Elijah invited politely, but his anger was plain.

He grimaced, there was no particular reason behind it, he supposed. He and Rebekah had gone to the grill, the only place in this god forsaken town that served liquor, to try and find some entertainment. She had found it in a pretty human man, they had left the bar together.

Kol was not upset by his sister's absence, he was simply… bored. Damon had not provoked him, in fact he had not even spoken to him, although he had sensed the young vampire watching him when he thought he couldn't see. That would not ordinarily have been enough to bother Kol, but then again, it didn't have to be, it only needed to be enough to provide some fun.

It was too easy really, all he had to do was to grab his little human friend- the scruffy one who spent ninety percent of his time drinking- from the men's toilet and drag him outside.

Damon predictably came running in to save the day, Kol had knocked him around a bit, stuck a make-shift stake in his stomach, one in each leg, then one in the chest. A pretty boring night really.

Then, just as he was about to imbed the stake in Damon's heart, he was knocked aside by the little brother, who ripped the wood out of Damon and probably saved his life.

It would have been alright, but then Elijah had to turn up, the look Elijah had delivered to him had been enough to ignite in him a childish fear of his big brother, before he reminded himself that he was a thousand years old, he did not have to be afraid of Elijah, there was not much the older original could do to him.

Elijah had of course, as etiquette demanded, invited Stefan back to the house to discuss the matter with him, while the drunk helped Damon home.

He was snapped out of his reminiscing when Klaus spoke, "any time today, Kol. We may have eternity but I don't want to waste mine on this conversation."

"Not helpful, Niklaus." Elijah admonished him smoothly.

He stared at them both for a second, he could not believe that they were teaming up on him like this, he expected this kind of scolding from his oldest brother, but not his hybrid brother, he was supposed to be the one who revelled in anarchy.

When he voiced this thought Klaus smirked in amusement, and his eyes softened for a second, then before Kol could feel relief, his anger returned. "Well I often do, however not when it could result in the death of our whole family. So come on, what was the reason you decided to stake Damon? Was he taking up to much of the ladies attentions for your liking?" He teased.

"He broke my neck!" He cried childishly.

Both gazed at him in confusion for a few seconds before Klaus understood. "That was months ago, Kol. And, if I recall correctly, you were attempting to murder Bekah's date."

Kol opened his mouth to snap back at Nik, but Elijah spoke first, preventing an argument for the second time that evening.

"Do not use that as an excuse, Kol. We both know you were searching for entertainment, and petulantly decided to attack two people and be damned about the consequences. You behaved selfishly and irresponsibly."

"And what are you going to do about it? Dagger me again? Kill me? Throw me out?" He challenged.

"Don't tempt me." Klaus muttered.

"No, you are confined to this house until I can decide what to do with you." Elijah stated conclusively, using his best no-arguments tone.

Kol gaped at him in disbelief, "You're grounding me? Are you kidding me? I'm an adult, you really think you can just ground me for a week and then I'll behave myself."

Neither of his older brothers spoke.

He stood defiantly and started towards the front door.

"I assure you, Kol, that if you think you are leaving, you are very much mistaken."

"Try and stop me." He growled.

Kol groaned in pain as he opened his eyes groggily, and rubbed at his aching neck.

_Nik you bastard! _He thought as he remembered the events leading up to his broken neck.

He had been heading towards the door when Elijah had slung him over his broad shoulders without even a hint of difficulty and carried him up the stairs towards his bedroom, while he had kicked, yelled, punched and bitten, all to no avail.

Elijah had dumped him on his bed and ordered him to remain in his room for the rest of the night, as though he was eight years old.

He had, of course, not obeyed and gone straight for the door, only to get thrown back onto his bed again, his rage had grown until he was throwing anything he could pick up, which was almost everything in the room, and began throwing it around while screaming.

Nik had gladly stepped in and snapped his neck.

He was lying on his bed now, one of them had pulled his shoes off and turned the lights off, not that it made any real difference to a vampire.

He gritted his teeth and rolled off the bed quietly, he did not want to alert his brothers, or his sister if she was back, to his movements.

He crept to the door and tested the handle, it swung open with ease, but he closed it quietly again. If he left the room and started wandering the house, then either Elijah or Nik would hear him, and then this game would be over, he contemplated with a mischievous glee.

He sped almost silently to the window, it slid open without resistance, he swung his legs over first and dropped from the window frame, down through the cool night air, and landed lightly in the grass around the back of the house.

He made sure to get off the property quickly, as to minimise the risk of being seen or heard, and slowed to a stroll once he reached the quiet streets of Mystic Falls.

It did not take him all that long to arrive outside of the Salvatore boarding house, after all it was a small town, it did, however, take him a couple of minutes to work out which bedroom Damon Salvatore was sleeping in.

He crouched at beneath the high up window and leapt gracefully. He snarled in surprise as something dragged him roughly back down to earth and he landed into the iron grip of Niklaus's arms. He did not need to see Nik to know that it was him, after a thousand years, his scent was as familiar as his face.

Klaus used his supernatural speed to get them far away from the house before dumping him abruptly on the forest floor.

"Ow!" Kol whined, "how did you find me?"

"I woke up and after listening out for Elijah, you and Rebekah, I discovered that only Elijah was home. It did not take me long to work out where you'd have gone, you're not as diabolical as you like to think, Kol."

"Is Elijah still asleep?" He inquired hopefully, scanning the vicinity for his eldest brother.

Klaus chuckled, that did not bode well for him, "no, he's currently awake and fitting a lock to your door and bars on your windows."

His mouth fell open and he didn't have to speak for Klaus to know what he was thinking, _you can't be serious._

"Oh, I'm perfectly serious."

Kol sputtered moronically for a moment before blurting out "I could easily get past both of those things, so I'm afraid your attempts at containing me, will be in vain." He wore his best smug smile.

"I know you could get past them without even straining, however you couldn't do it without waking up the whole house." Now it was his brother's turn to look smug.

"I hate you." He mumbled childishly.

Klaus just laughed and the two of them walked back to the mansion.

Elijah was waiting for them when they returned, he was sitting regally on the sofa, sipping graciously from a fancy cup.

"I hope he did not get into too much trouble before you caught up with him, Niklaus."

"No, Damon narrowly missed being murdered in his bed."

Kol rolled his eyes and attempted to go back to his bedroom, at least then he'd be away from the insufferable smog that was the two of them.

"Where do you think you're going?" Elijah asked non-confrontationally, as though he were genuinely asking.

"Don't start this Elijah."

"Start what?"

"Acting like my father. You're my brother, you have no right to tell me off when I do something you disapprove of." He snarled, fully aware of how ungrateful and malicious he was being.

Elijah's eyes were scorching. "I have no right? Who was it who took care of you when mother was preoccupied with Finn and father had no idea what to do with you? Who used to clean up after you when you wet the bed as a child? And who has spent the last thousand years getting you out of every mess you manage to land yourself in? Do not tell me that I don't have the right." He warned, there was a definite threat emanating from him. Kol did not often see his moral brother's dangerous side, and no matter how much he liked to pretend otherwise, it scared him.

Unfortunately for Kol when he was frightened, he became defensive. "Oh fuck off and mind your own business, Elijah. It's nothing to do with you whether I choose to fight with Damon or not. Keep out of my life!" He shouted, not seeing the almost sympathetic expression on Nik's face.

He did not even see it happen, one moment he was bellowing at Elijah, the next he was lying over his neat suited lap, and his jeans and boxers were gathered around his ankles.

Before he could get a word out Elijah had begun landing harsh swats on his backside.

It took him a long moment to actually process that this scenario was actually happening.

He finally managed to gasp out, "Elijah, stop it!"

When Elijah silently continued smacking him, he growled out, "Is this a severely unfunny joke?"

Elijah spoke for the first time, "no, why would you make such an assumption?" His cool, unfazed tone was infuriating for Kol who's bottom currently felt like it was on fire.

"Elijah I'm over a thousand years old, -ow!- you can't spank me!"

"Can I not, odd, I thought that was exactly what I was doing. Anyhow, I do not see why you're so shocked, it's not as though you have never been in this situation with me before."

"Ow! Stop it!" He yelped, gritting his teeth against the stinging behind his eyes, he carried on, "that was different, I was a child."

"And your behaviour has not changed much since then." Elijah continued to swat his brother in a relaxed manor, as though this were a perfectly regular occurrence.

Klaus awkwardly watched Elijah smacking their youngest brother for several minutes, before excusing himself and retiring to the hall way.

He could still hear what was going on, but did not have to stand around uncomfortably unsure of what to do.

Elijah had informed him of what he would be doing to Kol once he returned home, and he could not say he objected, but still. He had never been in charge of disciplining any of his siblings, even Henrich who had been twelve years his junior, it had always been up to Elijah.

At that moment he was extraordinarily grateful towards his older brother.

Kol blinked rapidly fervently endeavouring to keep the tears from falling. This was ridiculous, he had been alive for a thousand years, ten centuries (technically nine), a whole millennium. He had experienced tortures beyond imagining and not even watery eyes, but he was about to start bawling at a spanking from his older brother.

_That's not quite true is it? The part about experiencing tortures, any considerable pain you might have ever experienced you've avoided because either Elijah, Nik or Bekah swooped in and saved your arse._

He grudgingly accepted this, he had never experienced any true agony, not like Nik had when he had transformed into a wolf, although Kol suspected that none of them had ever felt anything equivalent to that, or Elijah when he had been badly injured in a sword fight with a boy from a neighbouring village. He, Finn and Nik had been covered in blood, the two younger brothers supported Elijah between them, as he spilled his blood across the floor and smeared it across the walls.

Only Esther and Ayana's magic had saved him. Mikael had found and killed the boy the next day.

"Ugh!" He grunted, his memories could not distract him from his current position for long.

He decided to alter his tactics, he tried to be cute. "Please, Elijah, it hurts." He threw in a not-as-fake-as-he-would-have-liked sob and waited for the magic to happen. Elijah could not bear to see any member of his family hurt, he especially despised being the one to inflict pain upon them.

"That did not work a thousand years ago, Kol. It certainly is not going to work now." He informed him, masking his guilt expertly.

He detested this, he had avoided doing it as much as possible when they were human, but as his parents always seemed to be busy, he had often had to watch out for the others.

He decided to end this now, he landed the hardest swats yet to Kol's backside, causing the younger vampire to let out muffled cries, Elijah refused to allow them to get to him.

He stopped and pulled Kol's pants back up for him.

Kol was still buttoning his jeans when he practically dived away from Elijah and landed ungraciously on the sofa cushion next to him. He cried out as his bottom made contact with the seat and leapt up again, his wrathful glare ruined by the tears he was trying to hold back.

Kol was unsure what he was feeling, there was too much going on, on the one hand he was embarrassed at Elijah treating him as he had when he was a child, on the other he was infuriated with his whole family at that moment, but then there was the small, very small part of him that wanted to apologise to Elijah for all the crap he put him through tonight and for some of the crueller things he said to him.

His older brother approached him slowly, Elijah had never been one for hugs, it was not in his nature to be cuddly. He rested his hand on Kol's shoulder and pressed a brief kiss to his forehead.

"You could have gotten yourself killed tonight Kol. I understand that you are too old to be punished in such a manor. However, if you ever put yourself in such a situation again, I will have no problem in repeating the events of tonight. Do you understand me?"

Kol simply nodded, but then, without looking at Elijah, "I'm sorry, I should never have…I do appreciate everything you've done for me."

"Erm, thank you." Elijah lost his suave, stoic façade for long enough to show that he was taken aback, and touched by Kol's words.

"Promise you won't let Klaus stick another dagger in me?" He had intended for it to come out as a joke, but his genuine concern came through.

"Don't be ridiculous." A voice came from behind them, Klaus sauntered into the room, he took in Kol's teary appearance but, showing a surprising amount of tact, made no comment on it.

"I thought you'd gone to bed."

"Evidently not."

"So you're not staying awake to kill me again?" Kol asked warily thinking of Klaus' earlier remark.

"That was a joke." Nik sounded honestly surprised that Kol would have thought that he was not speaking in jest.

"It wasn't particularly amusing."

"I found it pretty funny." He smirked and clapped Kol on the back. "Well, I'm going to bed."

"Yes, God forbid you lose any beauty sleep."

Klaus chuckled " just because you're a lost cause, brother doesn't mean there's not still hope for the rest of us."

As they all headed towards the stairs, Kol spoke up, "so can we remove the bars from my windows tomorrow?"

"No, for two reasons, "Elijah began, holding up a finger to quieten Kol as he began to protest. "One, I think it would be a good idea to keep them up for a while, to ensure that if Damon meets a nasty end, you cannot be blamed." He did not sound as though he'd object to such a thing happening to the Salvatore. "Secondly, as you'll be confined to the house, you won't be able to get outside to remove them." There was a small but undeniably present hint of mirth in his tone.

Sometimes Kol hated his life.

**The end.**

**This was written as a prompt from ooshaboosha. I'm not sure that I'm completely happy with it, I don't know if I got the characterisation of anybody right.**

**I did not include Finn in this because I predicted that he'd be dead at this point and because I could not imagine how he would have fit into the equation. As for Rebekah, while I like her, she just did not make an appearance while I was writing this, so I decided to just not include her in this particular story.**

**Please review.**


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